Things I’ll never wear again

Somewhere in Japan, July 2008. Exhibit A: Proof that I can’t wear shorts. Or dress myself like an adult. I was a giant horror to all the chic Japanese women.

Garments and styles I’ll never wear again:

  • Shorts. No shorts ever again, unless I am doing some strenuous physical activity. I can’t look good in them, no matter how hard I try.
  • Cable-knit sweaters. I can’t even begin to tell you how ugly these make me.
  • Boxy turtlenecks. À la Lands’ End. You know what I’m talking about. You know they’re bad when not even the models can make them look good. I don’t think I’ve worn one since the late 1990s, though, so I’m fairly safe from repeating this one.
  • Polo shirts. I have never been preppy enough to pull off a polo. I don’t think people with naturally curly hair are allowed to wear polos?
  • Capri pants. Do people still wear capris? Are they even called that anymore? (And is a capri higher than an ankle jean? Someone educate me.)
  • Jean jackets. I’ve never been able to pull off a jean jacket.

If you wear any of these things, I am not passing judgment on you. I have simply come to the point in my young adult life where I have learned that I cannot wear certain things. I need to establish these rules. Because deep down, I think I just want to float around in big, drapey, tent-like garments, the kind that 50-year-old community college art teachers wear. I have to put some limits on myself.

4 thoughts on “Things I’ll never wear again

  1. Just had to chime in and say I am totally with you on all of these. Recently self-imposed a shorts ban as well. There is no good that comes from shorts.

  2. mmm. i still love my jean jackets and boxy turtlenecks. i also don’t think you should ever rule out things you’ll never wear again. i don’t like rules : )

  3. It’s a good thing you’ve become aware of these things. Ew, boxy turtle necks. Even my mom has given these up, thank goodness! I’m still trying to figure out how to not make myself look like a 15-year-old. It’s just embarrassing when people say, “Are these kids YOURS?”

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