Today’s refrain

Specifically, today’s refrain is: Everything might be terrible.

I feel like I’ve been saying this for a while. It’s getting old.

As a postscript to my last post: In light of the recent updates casting doubt on the veracity of the 2012 UVA gang rape story, I am again grieved, but in a different way. I still believe that the fraternity system is morally bankrupt and beyond reform. I’d still like to see it end everywhere. But the larger issue, of course, is that because of the fuzzy facts, once more, we will see future rape victims who are brave enough to come forward dismissed and accused and blamed. She’s hysterical, we’ll hear. She’s making it all up, just like that girl at UVA. These days, I feel like we just keep losing.

(As a further aside, I don’t think “Jackie” was making it all up. I do believe she was raped, but we clearly are missing some critical facts, such as by whom and when, causing me to believe that this may never be adequately resolved.)

This week, I’ve felt on the verge of unhinged crying jags or unreasonable tirades. I feel like I can’t handle my current degree of stress, even while admitting it is so much less than what other people have to live with. Today, at lunch at home, I stood in the corner of the dining room and cried and told Guion to eat the rest of my apple because I just couldn’t handle it right now. Sometimes you want to feel sorry for yourself, even if you know that you don’t deserve the pity you so desperately want to receive.

Things to read, as a distraction:

  • No Such Thing as Racial Profiling, Jelani Cobb in the New Yorker
  • Dude Girls of the American West, Tomboy Style
  • Difference Maker: Meghan Daum in the New Yorker (from September 2014) on “the childless, the parentless, and the Central Sadness.”
  • Cloudsplitter, by Russell Banks: I’ve been reading this novel about the controversial abolitionist John Brown very slowly, and I’m enjoying it. Much more than I typically enjoy historical fiction. Banks is a fabulous writer, and I’ve barely heard his name mentioned, which is a shame.
  • A Carolina Dog, The Bitter Southerner (with thanks to Ethan for sharing)

Things to think about, as a distraction:

  • The prospect of fires in the fireplace
  • The hope of healthy dogs
  • Brown paper packages tied up with string (which is my Holiday Wrapping Theme)
  • A precious few days with my siblings and parents in the upcoming weeks
  • Gold calligraphy ink that flows from the nib like magic
  • Clementines, clementines, clementines. All I’ve ever wanted in life is an unlimited supply of clementines…

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